Doubting Thomas

I'm sorry I haven't written much. There are many potential excuses, most of which are not suitable to write about. The main reason is that I haven't had much to say. Perhaps you can relate. But allow me to break my silence and share something personal that perhaps will connect with your journey as well.

A few weeks ago I was driving back to Los Angeles from the Central Valley where I had just attended my 20th High School reunion. I was listening to Nickle Creek on my iPod. On came this song, "Doubting Thomas". I've heard this song dozens of times without paying attention, but it really struck me this time and I've been thinking about sharing here for a while. Here's a video of the song (not an official music video). Lyrics are after the jump.

The lyric that has given voice to my prayers recently is this:

Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe
Oh me of little faith

I guess that's where I'm at. "I'll take your promise / though I know nothin's safe. Oh me of little faith." I think it's enough. In fact, this is faith, right? Faith, in some sense is defined by doubt. Without doubt there is no faith. And so much of our doubt is wrapped up in fear. The calm realization that nothing is safe, that we are incurable vulnerable, is a bitter-sweet realization that can set us free for reach out in faith.

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Doubting Thomas, by Nickle Creek

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

I'm a doubting Thomas
I can't keep my promises
Cause I don't know what's safe
Oh me of little faith

Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe
Oh me of little faith

Comments

[Richie]

That comes a bit to close to home for me. Thanks for sharing.