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June 22, 2009

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Sphenisciformes (Pseudonymn deliberately used)

Ryan,
Almost every post that I read on this blog makes my heart skip two beats and exclaim that I could not have said it better.

I am struggling with this particular issue in a slightly different context at the moment. I live in a community where the dominant voice has been a bullying voice, an insular voice, fitting all the negative qualities that you describe above.

The result has been tremendous fear and stagnation, exactly as you describe, lasting at least a generation.

My problem is that when I arrived and began to give voice to those who were suppressed and began to build them up it resulted in some of the most violent and manipulative behavior that I have ever seen.

They have turned my new approach into a life or death battle. In effect they are killing themselves. I hardly have to do anything to accomplish this. Their response is so violent that they are losing all credibility and will probably withdraw from the community, leaving it very small (almost 1/3rd might leave).

In the face of the attacks against me I've had to take a few strong stands. I've acted in ways that are uncharacteristic and it definitely does not seem loving. As soon as I display a bit of weakness it is exploited. Eg. I was recently asked by the leader of the group if I am doing God's work or the Devil's work. I answered that I am not sure. This created an incredible explosion!

I feel very trapped in this situation. In one way, the violence is triggered by the love. In another way, I have become very entrenched in this "love" in order to fight the violence and I feel quite strong that the violence must die! And that I am right! And that I am talking with the voice of God! And that there is no goodness in the other approach.... except that they are good people who are totally deluded.

Anyway... I am just ranting. I am not sure how to handle it. And I think that on the meta-level that you are talking at we face the same problem. This mature, deep Christianity makes total sense to those who have studied and read widely. But it will always lead to violent responses from those who have not reached this level yet... forcing us to become more entrenched and forceful in our approach... leading to schism.

Am I missing something? I am not able to get my mind around this impasse.

Ryan Bell

Sphenisciformes,

Thanks for sharing your struggle. I've been wrestling with what you've written here since you posted it. I haven't responded because it has taken me a while to know what to say. Even now, I know that there is no simple answer.

I have faced similar challenges in churches and in other areas of life. True human relationality takes two parties. I have experiened exactly what you describe. You do your best to take a Christlike attitude with someone or a group of people and they reveal the worst in their intentions. It's the old "give them enough rope and they'll hang themselves" argument. I think there is a lot of merit to this.

We don't usually need to cut people down. If they are on the wrong path they will probably self-destruct. For me and my congregation, what has been important is sticking to a PROCESS. In discernment and especially conflict resolution we have a fairly straightforward process that includes openness, listening to the other, not responding in anger and not bullying others. Usually when that process is made clear people participate in a healthy conversation toward some kind of resolution, or they opt out of the process. Most bullies will not stand an open, inclusive process.

I think we can also stand on the principles of love and grace. If you are trying to relate in love and the other parties are lashing out in anger and violence, then I'd say the situation is working itself out. Sometimes some loss must be sustained by an congregation in order to move past it's brokenness into a new future.

Is this helpful?

Nathan

Hey,

I really liked this article. It speaks a truth not often thought upon.

I was also challenged by Charles Scriven's comment on the Spectrum blog about getting articles like this published in Adventist review.

I would be interested in using something like this on my side of the world but it probably needs a little tweaking to shift it to a more general readership. Are you interested in working on it a bit further for such a purpose?

ngb

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QUOTE

  • Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, violence multiplies violence, and toughness multiplies toughness in a descending spiral of destruction.... The chain reaction of evil - hate begetting hate, wars producing more wars - must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
    - Martin Luther King, Jr.
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